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Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work

Modern society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution. Hundreds of thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and misunderstandings. Men have always defined themselves by their work and accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of their relationships. A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver – this has to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest defender – her role was to ensure survival of the next generation. All the studies conducted on male and female values in the 1990s continued to show that 70%-80% of men everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their work and 70%-80% of women say the most important priority is their families. As a consequence,

If a woman is unhappy in her relationships, she can’t concentrate on her work. If a man is unhappy at work he can’t focus on his relationships.

Under stress or pressure, a woman sees spending time talking with her man as a reward, but a man sees it as an interference in his problem-solving process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and he wants to watch the football. To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her as annoying or pedantic. These perceptions are the reflections of the different organisation and priorities of their brains. This is why a woman always says that the relationship seems more important to her that it does to him – it is. Understanding this difference will take the pressure off you and your partner, and you will not judge each other’s behavior harshly.

Extracted from Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps, pg147.

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